How to host a sober party without triggering someone’s addiction
Social gatherings should be more inclusive—even if there aren’t people in recovery attending. So many people choose not to drink, whether for health reasons, religious reasons, or to just take a break. And unfortunately, most social gatherings are structured around alcohol, especially around the holidays. “Of the people who come into recovery, I’d say 80% struggle with alcohol. Maybe even upwards of 80%,” Touchstone Recovery Center CEO Nolen says, “So you know, alcohol is something that a lot of people struggle with. When you’re addicted to heroin, and you get clean. You don’t have to explain why you don’t do heroin anymore, you know. That’s it’s not a thing people just oh, well, that’s great that you don’t do heroin anymore. You stop drinking. It’s like you have to have this story about why.”
To dive deeper into the social expectations around drinking and how we can step away from that and create sober-friendly events, we met with Laura Nelson on our last podcast. Nelson is the co-founder of Sober Life Rocks, speaker, and author of the new book The Inclusive Event Planner — an essential guide to “help you create events that leave attendees feeling more connected, engaged, and satisfied with their experience.”
From corporate events to small business mixers, and everyday parties, here are some of Laura’s top tops to help people hosting and planning events make sober-friendly environments that promote authentic connections:
- Make sure people know that the event will be sober friendly. When someone in recovery walks into a room, if they know somebody else is sober, they’re not alone.
- Think about what everyone is drinking. Give better alcohol substitutes than just sodas, like mocktails.
- Don’t make alcohol the event. Make sure that standing around the bar or drink table isn’t what everyone is doing the whole night; find something else like a game, a comedian, a magician, a band, karaoke, a scavenger hunt, etc.
- Make sure the place where you’re hosting your event is comfortable for everyone. Consider not hosting your party at a winery or bar. Maybe host it outside instead or if your event is at a venue, set up chairs outside so people can socialize away from the bar and loud music.
In addition to Laura Nelson’s pro-tips, people in recovery have a few tips and tricks to stay sober when in social situations. Some of the tried and true tactics include:
- Planning how to respond when someone offers you a drink. Here’s our quick guide.
- Bringing a sober friend for accountability and solidarity
- Scheduling a sobriety meeting prior to strengthen your sober lifestyle
- Helping the host to stay busy to still feel included
- Avoiding toxic relationships, toxic family, and toxic influences; in alcohol rehab people are taught to identify individuals who are potential triggers and avoid them if seeing them may cause a relapse
- Keeping a sponsor informed of the party and potential for triggers
- Leaving the party—without shame or guilt
Things for party hosts to remember
If you’re hosting a holiday party with a mix of guests, those who can control their alcohol intake or drink alcohol responsibly and those who are in recovery, you probably feel responsible for providing an inclusive space where all your guests can enjoy themselves. If you feel like you’re going to compromise your family member or loved one’s sobriety at your party, it is best that you are transparent with them about what the event entails. Give them the opportunity to add a sober plus-one (or more) to ensure they have the support they need; give them the space to decline the invitation up until the day-of; don’t question their decision to decline the invitation; and make sure you still invite them next time as they gradually ease back into social situations.
For more sober party ideas, check out the podcast—and if you need extra support staying sober during the holidays, call (559) 298-6711.
