This is my first holiday in recovery and I’m not quite sure how to talk about it. Any pointers?
Ah, the holidays. The epic crossroads of joy and goodwill to men, rampant consumerism, and awkward situations with relatives and acquaintances. This time of year is wonderful…and complicated.
Touchstone Recovery Center’s CEO, Nolen Burchett, was featured on KFSN ABC 30 helping people in Fresno and Visalia understand that “the holiday season can bring joy, but it can also trigger negative emotions and behaviors.”
The American Psychological Association reports nearly nine in 10 adults said that something causes them stress during the holidays.
While catching up with family and friends you haven’t seen in months can be great, you’ll also have to find something to talk about with the uncle you have nothing in common with. We can’t tell you whether or not to bring up the election, or how to make yourself sound interesting to people you met five minutes ago. But we can give you pointers on how to get through social situations in recovery or with people in recovery—because chances are, if you’re not in recovery, you know someone or will meet someone who is and how you interact with them matters.
How to decline a drink offer
If you’re in recovery, the first thing to know is: you decide how much or how little to say about it. Take the pressure off yourself. If you don’t know where to begin, here are a few things you could say if someone offers you a drink:
- No, thanks
- I’m good, but I’ll take a seltzer instead
- Nah, I have to be up early tomorrow
- No thanks, I’m sober/in recovery
- No—when I drink, I can’t stop singing 2000s indie pop
- No—I’d prefer to remember all the embarrassing things I say tonight
- No—being the life of the party is enough of a burden without a hangover the next day
- I’ll pass—I’m on a health kick
- No, but I would like to meet your dog
How Not to respond when someone declines your drink offer
Although it might be tempting to show someone their extensive drink options after they decline a drink offer, that’s not the way to go. In fact, there are lots of things you probably shouldn’t say after someone says they aren’t drinking. To start, here’s an inconclusive list:
- Are you sure?
- Why?
- Are you pregnant?
- Aw, don’t make me drink alone
- You sure? The [drink] is really good
- You’re missing out
- Just one drink!
- Aw, that sucks
- I guess you’re the DD then
Good ways to respond when someone says they aren’t drinking
There are tons of reasons people might pass on drinking, from being on certain medications to getting hangxiety to simply not being in the mood. Whatever the reason is, it’s personal. So simply accepting their response is always a good idea, but it’s also nice when someone readily offers alternatives or support.
- Cool, can I get you something else? Water, soda, mocktail?
- Okay, glad you came!
- Good for you
- Cool, we have some really good appetizers. Interested?
- That’s great, I’m proud of you
- Me, either! I’m drinking a seltzer. Want one?
If you’re hosting a holiday gathering, be sure to have a variety of alcohol-free drinks on hand. Alcohol substitutes like non-alcoholic (NA) beer, wine, and even tequila are becoming increasingly popular. However, for those in recovery, these substitutes can be triggering or pose a risk to sobriety – so make sure you’re stocked up on classics like sodas, teas, and sparkling water.
If you’re in recovery and worried about how you’ll handle this holiday season, you aren’t alone – and help is just a phone call away.
